Sweeeeeeeeet!

Litterbugs to ladybugs - M&S are selling Mother's Day confectionery wrapped in paper impregnated with flower seed - eat the candy, plant the paper, enjoy the flowers! Marvellous!

Racism in a queer world: fact or fiction?

Now I consider myself a film-fan, not a buff (my knowledge of directors, lighting, sound tracks is lacking) and not a connoisseur (my taste is not refined - I do not prefer Bergman films to ones starring Jim Carey - in fact it is usually exactly the opposite) - but I do watch a lot. On a good day (or bad day if you are my supervisor and want me to be finishing my sodding PhD) I watch three - most likely I have seen them before, because I like the comfort of popping in a video (yes, VHS wins hands down over DVD right now as a local charity shop sells them for 20p each and there is nothing like a quick detour back from the library to pick up 6hrs of entertainment with enough change from a quid to buy a choccy bar; though my poor hearing and my fascination with words means the subtitles on the DVDs means it is a tough call when browsing my film shelves) and hearing the familiar dialogue and action in the background as I tackle more academic endeavours. The movies are normally ones that I have seen multiple times, otherwise the new scenes and plot will distract me. A familiar movie is much better to study along to than a music album, with which I will be tempted to type in tempo or sing along.

Given this self-belief in my film-fan status, I was surprised to see that I only own ten movies with an LGBTQQ theme or main character:
Ace Ventura Pet Detective
Crush
Bound
Kissing Jessica Stein
The Birdcage
Four Weddings and a Funeral
Orlando
East is East
Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe (I continue to hold that Idgie and Ruth had a non-straight romantic love for one another, perhaps Idgie more so than Ruth)
Unconditional Love (which I only own as I worked as an extra in it - though buying the DVD was a bit useless as our scenes were cut)
Priscilla Queen of the Desert
To Wong Foo, thanks for everything, love Julie Newmar

There are a handful of others with minor LGBTQQ characters or scenes or themes: The Shawshank Redemption, Dude, where's my car?,The Constant Gardener, American History X, etc. I have however watched a gazillion other movies which would broaden my meagre collection of ten if I should ever find them in that Age Concern charity shop.

My thought of the day is that racism and gender/sexuality/queer issues are rarely tackled together. Now I am either guilty of not watching enough movies (possible) or there really aren't many ethnically diverse queer characters and themes. East is East and To Wong Foo stand out - and it is only the latter that actually seems to tackle the race issue by making sure the comedy and clashes, arguments and insults are usually centred on the ethnic differences - racial slurs being bandied about maybe was designed to distract from the LGBTQQ issues and make it more accessible to a wider audience (men in dresses, ooh, no; men making jokes about swaybacks, honkies, etc, whilst wearing dresses, hmm, yeah, okay). There actually wasn't any real intelligent discussion about racial differences and what they meant to one another - maybe that was the point, to make it a non-issue as if racial dissimilarities within the queer world were not a problem so not worth talking about - which I think is codswallop - there is no rule to say those that are non-straight will ignore all other differences and bond together as one queer group - just see the mention of the black lesbian bars in that episode of The L Word (Life Cycle? - bike ride)...

Racism for me is about how one is judged badly, denied goods and services, treated less than others because a physical difference - manner of speaking, accent, skin colour, nose or eye shape, hair texture. This might be because of ethnicity (one's biological heritage - mine is mostly Scandinavian, I think) - but such differences might just as well be a result of illness, disability, accidental injury, as deliberate surgical enhancements and 'beauty treatments', random chance and natural gene pool diversity. I guess it is easy for me to comment on what it means to experience racism, as most would think it has never affected me. On census forms I would tick (if forced - for I hate labels and pigeonholing) white/Caucasian female (I guess I am genetically female, though I've never had a DNA test, and I feel mostly female - what ever that really means - and have done for the past 27 years). But I have dual-nationality, was born in a country that is 'traditionally' unpopular with its geographic neighbours - went to University in a country where being from the country that my accent sounds like it originated was a occasionally a desperately unpopular thing (only a few weeks back another blonde like me was beaten up because her accent, like mine, was not local - it was not the colour of her skin, it was the mere fact that she sounded like she had spent time, lived, was born, or had parents from another nearby rival country).

Why are there no significant black characters in movies? I have read that non-hetero lifestyles are taboo in many African-linked communities, either in the continent itself or in those Americanised families in the USA. I have African friends for whom homosexuality is a puzzle - they cannot understand why anyone would do that, they think it is a deliberate political/fashion statement rather than a genuine lifestyle choice (let's not argue here about whether living a non-str8 life is a choice or not - you can see this website for more information), they speak of men from their home village who never marry and do not have kids and they are seen as strange outsiders, unlucky in life, but not as having different romantic and sexual desires (see The Constant Gardener for a taste of this taboo and news story of people married to supposedly hide their gayness are being dobbed into the police in Zambia). I have read articles (research by man undercover about hip black homophobes actually being gay) and websites (see my comment after the video) that suggest that there is a not-so-subtle challenge to being queer in an ethnically-diverse neighbourhood/family. Though there are websites of support!

...and we are not talking about religion here - nothing about liturgical bans on queer behaviour and identities, there have been these issues (the Pope, the recent Iran survey and their President's opinion as expressed in USA about the lack of homosexuality in his country). This is not about a profound belief in morality based on faith in a higher power who has decreed what is acceptable and what is unacceptable in human behaviour. It is not about morality in the most part - when asked to identify why LGBTQQ issues are taboo in their culture/ethnic community/neighbourhood I don't imagine many would offer reasonable moral evidence about it innate evilness or intrinsic unacceptability. I expect the answer would be mostly, it is wrong, gross, not done, weird, unnatural, etc. There might be suggestions of it being offensive to look at (well you don't need to watch queer couples together - don't buy that sort of porn, don't hang out in the pink district if you don't want to see same-sex pecks on the cheek, holding of hands or snogging that obviously has a romantic or sexual meaning to those involved), you fear it will corrupt others into joining in or copying them - what is your worry that the species will die out if we are not all heterosexual and reproductive? Many straight couples don't help populate the earth, whereas many queer couples do. Are you worried that you will be asked or expected to join in? Are you fearful that you would be overpower and forced to engage in acts you find so distasteful? Do you think the likelihood of you being a victim of gay assault or rape is high?

I just don't understand what people are worried about. If it is simply the 'natural' instinct to heard with others who are similar and fear/avoid those who are different, then that is silly. We are not a planet of clones, we are all different - that is the beauty of us. Even monozygotic twins fancy different people, prefer different ice cream flavours, laugh at different jokes .

What is this obsession with labelling, then identifying with and huddling together those that are like us, and disregarding and fearing those that are not. In the end we are all on our own, we are all our own island, as we are all individual, there is no-one exactly like us to form a huddle. Why base these categories on physical differences? Black, fat, tall, bespectacled, big chin, dressed like a goth, mohican hair, posh accent, camp manner, feminine habits, etc.

It is all very confusing to me.

Que sera, sera

I don't want my life to be without: jazz hands, painted nails, costume jewellery, bargains, wacky make-up, sequins, foreign languages, reading, sushi, movies, salad, red wine, roaring fires, fresh fruit, writing, barbecues, giggles, dancing, restaurants, baking cakes, massages, beautiful shoes, pancakes, vintage clothes, photographs, swimming, art galleries and museums, Ready-Steady-Cooking, books, the smell of clean laundry, sailing, long baths, sunshine, green fields, beaches, hot tea, cold bed linen, oh, and love.

Suprising things

Some surprising things:

Michael Winner's article about him working as Santa then crying.

After a fight someone takes a major dump in their beloved's bathroom before a planned luxurious soak - when they knew damn well that they were going to be using the room for an extended period for relaxation.

The fact that my usually long nails have been mysteriously breaking which to me is a mythical sign that lesbo-action is on the cards.

That I was the only femme at the ylaf (apart from the organiser's girlfriend) - long hair, long nails and short skirts - and why shaven female heads signal illness, dykeness and madness...

How my chocolate advent calendar is not a paragon of equality and justice: the cracker shaped chocs are narrow and no deeper or greater in any other quality/quantity (see website above for multitude options of such), than the other shapes which are in general bigger and thus more chocolaty... I think this might be a perverse lesson in restraint, being grateful for what one has, etc.

It's a fair cop, Guv'nor. You've got me bang to rights and no mistake.

So, I briefly considered a wee introduction about myself, my life, my project, but I thought blow that, let's just jump right in! You guys will grasp what's going on quick enough... For those that need a hook to continue reading let it suffice to say that this fledgling blog is going to cover every bizarre, unexpected and controversial (to some) conversation, thought and experience that form a good proportion of my existence. I'm not crazy, it's just that the people around me are...

Today's weirdness is courtesy of D-man and his attempts to pimp me out... No, I'm serious - he has this pal who is thinking of trying lesbianism (based on some rubbish experiences with men and a current interest in exploring sapphic tendencies...). Here follows our facebook chat conversation - since this is my first post I thought I would be lazy and just ctrl+c this bad boy. A cheat? Yeah, maybe, but at least you know my standards from the off.

After an extended foray into the varying benefits of pillow-talk referencing one's own or one's partner's genitalia (i.e Which is sexier - talking about your own bits or that of your current bed-mate's?) and how my preference indicates likelihood of being a fully-blown lesbo as opposed to a pretty balanced bisexual (which I always assumed I was), I came to the conclusion at 2:49pm that I am fascinated by sexuality. I worried that it was a reflection of how much/little I was getting - that there might be an (in)verse relationship - but now I think it is actually just something that interests me. Everything from the use of sexual practice to create new life or to self-identify & determine one's own orientation, to the use of orgasm as artistic exploration - I am fascinated by it all. There are so many options, diversions, perversions. You can never summarise or collate. There are innumerable bastardisations and derivations. Like a very fine fractal diagram eternally diverging/converging. Rather poetic, no?

My partner in crime (D-Man) was happy to discuss the issue... but first there was one matter to clear up - my academic education thus far not being in anything remotely related... Would this stop me from talking about such things? Not on your nelly. Having taken courses in mostly science subjects since age 16 I'm not really best placed to comment on such culturally-created concepts as gender, orientation, etc. But I wasn't going to let a little thing like that hold be back.

Luckily I have found management (in which I have my university degree and current PhD research) to be an appropriately interdisciplinary subject. It is about managing expectations, goals, people, processes and power - all the facets of sexual exploration; it isn't just about running a company.

After half an hour of banter about gender-expression and related topics we had to briefly part company but we were soon back in the swing of things...

3:08pmD-Man
brb
3:17pmD-Man
sorry about that
was it terrible without me?
3:17pmBioGal
actually I have been busy self-identifying as a bi-dyke
was v hard work
3:18pmD-Man
as in you were evaluating whether you want to do away with cock completely?
3:28pmD-Man
or does that mean something entirely more scandalous?
3:28pmBioGal
no no
I was learning the definition of bi-dyke and seeing if it fitted me mentally
or at least if it fitted me mentally right now
and I think it might
3:29pmD-Man
what is a bi-dyke?
3/4 for girls, 1/4 for boys?
3:30pmBioGal
sort of, a bisexual woman who is more queer/lesbo/woman identified - i.e. feels more comfortable in that community than the str8 one

Then [whilst dashing to the loo] thinking back to the prospect of being the one to introduce D-Man's pal to homosexy shenanigans, I remembered my own initial lesbi-friendly flirtations and those of several ladies for whom I was their first lady-lover... and decided to proclaim them as fact. Luckily D-Man didn't seem to notice or care that I offered no basis for purporting these things to be true other than my own personal experience...

the weird thing is women who are thinking about trying lady-love prefer their potential partner to be bi(curious)
they do not want a fully-fledged dyke
they want a shared interested in men, a mutual get-out clause
in fact part of the initial flirting routine of women attempting tentative lady-love is to share/compare guy preferences
talking about muscles, sweaty sporty men
as if it sets foundations for later retreats when the lady-love isn't successful
'I told you I preferred Jean-Claude Van Damme type-men - it isn't you, it's just that I prefer muscly men'
maybe it is less of a rejection to say it is a lack of interest in lesbianism rather than 'I do want to be snogging a woman but just not if the woman is you'
3:35pmBioGal
I guess also that establishing one's interest and experience with men means it is less intimidating when you get to the nitty-gritty - you are not expected to be awesome at loving women as it is so foreign
anyway, they were my thoughts in your absence
3:37pmD-Man
wow
that's a lot to process
3:37pmD-Man
not quite as sexy as the rest of the conversation, i have to be honest
3:39pmBioGal
I had better fuck off and let you do some work... sorry for chewing your cyber-ear off

... and there our conversation ended. D-Man had to run to his radio show and I wandered in search of food-based sustenance - The word of the Lord might fill some bellies (Ezekiel 3:3), but He wasn't feeling chatty and I craved chocolate...

Until next time, hombres!