Monday, December 15, 2008

It's a fair cop, Guv'nor. You've got me bang to rights and no mistake.

So, I briefly considered a wee introduction about myself, my life, my project, but I thought blow that, let's just jump right in! You guys will grasp what's going on quick enough... For those that need a hook to continue reading let it suffice to say that this fledgling blog is going to cover every bizarre, unexpected and controversial (to some) conversation, thought and experience that form a good proportion of my existence. I'm not crazy, it's just that the people around me are...

Today's weirdness is courtesy of D-man and his attempts to pimp me out... No, I'm serious - he has this pal who is thinking of trying lesbianism (based on some rubbish experiences with men and a current interest in exploring sapphic
tendencies...). Here follows our facebook chat conversation - since this is my first post I thought I would be lazy and just ctrl+c this bad boy. A cheat? Yeah, maybe, but at least you know my standards from the off.

After an extended foray into the varying benefits of pillow-talk referencing one's own or one's partner's genitalia (i.e Which is sexier - talking about your own bits or that of your current bed-mate's?) and how my preference indicates likelihood of being a fully-blown lesbo
as opposed to a pretty balanced bisexual (which I always assumed I was), I came to the conclusion at 2:49pm that I am fascinated by sexuality. I worried that it was a reflection of how much/little I was getting - that there might be an (in)verse relationship - but now I think it is actually just something that interests me. Everything from the use of sexual practice to create new life or to self-identify & determine one's own orientation, to the use of orgasm as artistic exploration - I am fascinated by it all. There are so many options, diversions, perversions. You can never summarise or collate. There are innumerable bastardisations and derivations. Like a very fine fractal diagram eternally diverging/converging. Rather poetic, no?

My partner in crime (D-Man) was happy to discuss the issue... but first there was one matter to clear up - my academic education thus far not being in anything remotely related... Would this stop me from talking about such things? Not on your nelly. Having taken courses in mostly science subjects since age 16 I'm not really best placed to comment on such culturally-created concepts as gender, orientation, etc. But I wasn't going to let a little thing like that hold be back.

Luckily I have found management (in which I have my university degree and current PhD research) to be an appropriately interdisciplinary subject. It is about managing expectations, goals, people, processes and power - all the facets of sexual exploration; it isn't just about running a company.

After half an hour of banter about gender-expression and related topics we had to briefly part company but we were soon back in the swing of things...


sorry about that
was it terrible without me?

actually I have been busy self-identifying as a bi-dyke
was v hard work
as in you were evaluating whether you want to do away with cock completely?
or does that mean something entirely more scandalous?

no no
I was learning the definition of bi-dyke and seeing if it fitted me mentally
or at least if it fitted me mentally right now
and I think it might
what is a bi-dyke?
3/4 for girls, 1/4 for boys?

sort of, a bisexual woman who is more queer/lesbo
/woman identified - i.e. feels more comfortable in that community than the str8 one

Then [whilst dashing to the loo] thinking back to the prospect of being the one to introduce D-Man's pal to homosexy shenanigans, I remembered my own initial lesbi-friendly flirtations and those of several ladies for whom I was their first lady-lover... and decided to proclaim them as fact. Luckily D-Man didn't seem to notice or care that I offered no basis for purporting these things to be true other than my own personal experience...

the weird thing is women who are thinking about trying lady-love prefer their potential partner to be bi(curious)
they do not want a fully-fledged dyke
they want a shared interested in men, a mutual get-out clause
in fact part of the initial flirting routine of women attempting tentative lady-love is to share/compare guy preferences
talking about muscles, sweaty sporty men
as if it sets foundations for later retreats when the lady-love isn't successful
'I told you I preferred Jean-Claude Van Damme
type-men - it isn't you, it's just that I prefer muscly men'
maybe it is less of a rejection to say it is a lack of interest in lesbianism rather than 'I do want to be snogging a woman but just not if the woman is you'

I guess also that establishing one's interest and experience with men means it is less intimidating when you get to the nitty
-gritty - you are not expected to be awesome at loving women as it is so foreign
anyway, they were my thoughts in your absence
that's a lot to process
not quite as sexy as the rest of the conversation, i have to be honest

I had better fuck off and let you do some work... sorry for chewing your cyber
-ear off

... and there our conversation ended. D-Man had to run to his radio show and I wandered in search of food-based sustenance - The word of the Lord might fill some bellies (Ezekiel 3:3), but He wasn't feeling chatty and I craved chocolate...

Until next time, hombres!

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